Shipwrecked
by Eden Evergreen
Summary: 150 years prior to the opening of Trigun, when they were not yet two years old, the SEEDS colony ships fell. Unfortunately, the sins of the one had forced both to live on their own, lost amid the desert sands... (based on flashbacks in manga and anime)
1. Landfall

_The events portrayed within this tale predate both anime and manga. Most of it should make sense to anyone who's either seen or read about the events leading up to the "Great Fall." Most of it comes from things portrayed or strongly implied in manga and / or anime._

 **Mild to moderate spoilers** _if you don't know who Tessla was, or how learning about her affected Vash and Knives. (In the manga, it was the "Tessla" situation - not beatings from a bigoted crewmember - that turned Knives against humanity.)_

 **Note** : _I do not own Vash "the Stampede," Rem Saverem, or Millions Knives: they all belong to the incomparable Mr. Yasuhiro Nightow._

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 **Trigun: Shipwrecked**

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 **Chapter 1: Landfall**

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 _November 2409, exact date unknown_

 _Day 1_

I wish that this day, and all that has happened in it, were only a nightmare. It feels too terrible to be real...

But no nightmare has ever included this much pain. No nightmare was ever this vivid and consistent. No nightmare I've experienced ever had each detail illumined with such stark, vivid clarity. And no nightmare, before, has ever lasted half so long.

I smell the dust kicked up by our footsteps, along with my own sweat. I feel the chill of the night air on my skin. I feel a cold wind moving my hair as gently as Rem would touch it. I hear that same wind blowing, instead of the soft hum of various shipboard processes.

I hear the sand crunch under Knives' boots, as he walks ahead of me. I hear the crunch of my own boots, with each staggering footstep that I take. I feel the weight of my bag on my shoulder, and the movement of my clothes against my skin. I feel the ache of bruises all over my face, forearms, and body.

I gasp, short of breath from pains in my side and abdomen. I'm still shocked that my brother hit me so hard, and so many times. One of my eyes is swollen almost completely shut. The other cries partly from physical pain, and partly from a worse pain that has nothing to do with my body.

I've had bruises before. I bruised my hands and knees, a few times, when I was learning to walk last year. I got bruises on my shoulder and elbow once, when I ran around a corner too fast and slid into the wall. But I have never felt anything like these.

Rem never hit us. When we were very small, she slapped our hands a few times. When we grew older, she explained that we had been reaching toward something dangerous. The sting of the slap on our hands was far less than the pain we might have experienced if she hadn't stopped us.

We had learned very quickly that a sharply-spoken "no" would not actually stop us from doing anything. After we figured that out, she had been compelled to teach us through a different means.

Rem never raised her hand against either of us in anger. It was always done in love, and always entirely for our own good. Even then, she only did it only while we were too young to be reasoned with. She said that day "when we could be reasoned with" came much sooner for us than it would have come for an ordinary human child. She'd been relieved when she could talk with us, instead of needing to use physical discomfort to instruct us.

Knives had never raised his hand against me in anger, either, until today. Part of me is still shocked. The reasons why he beat me are more painful than all the bruises from both beatings combined.

None of those things even touches on what he did to the ships.

I feel sick to my stomach, thinking about what has happened ... and is still happening. Right now, I am completely unable to do anything to assist any of them.

I must concentrate. For now, at least, I must fully conceal my feelings from Knives. Rem taught us that any strong emotion is detectable by another Plant, even at considerable distance. My current emotions would displease him greatly. I don't want a third beating.

When I look upward, and manage to blink away the worst of my tears, I can see the burning trails in the night sky. Those trails mean that more ships are continuing to plunge toward the surface of this barren, desert planet.

I remember what the preliminary scans said. No large bodies of surface water were detected. Quartz-based sand and rock covers the vast majority of the planet. Atmosphere is similar to that of Earth, the planet from which our Seeds colony ships originated, but drier.

It's livable for ordinary humans, but only with substantial help from Plants. None of us can live without water.

Was it truly only hours ago, when I was standing on the ship with Rem, before the alarms sounded? Was it truly only earlier today, when she pushed us into the escape pod, and told me to take care of Knives?

Did she know, or suspect, what he would tell me as our escape pod fell away toward the planet? Had she already guessed why the ships' courses had changed?

Rem and I, we both knew that Knives was changing. We had seen it, but we had not understood what we saw. We had hoped that it was only a temporary transition for him, as it had been for me.

I changed, too, when I first learned what had happened to Tessla. Rem helped me get through that. Eventually, I learned to handle it. I became myself again, only sadder and wiser. I still mourn Tessla, but knowing about her was no longer terrifying. It was no longer destroying me.

Rem and I have both been worried about Knives. He didn't seem to be dealing with it... or, at least, he didn't seem to be dealing with it _at first_.

When he started changing, we hoped it meant that he was going through a similar process to what I had wrestled through. His process was simply happening more slowly, or so it seemed. We both did our best to be available for him, and to support him, as Rem had done for me.

There were times when he seemed moody, distant, and more thoughtful than usual. Then there were other times, when he seemed much the same as he had always been. He gradually grew moodier, but we continued to love him and accept him as completely as ever. Surely, in time, our combined love for him would help him get through this just as Rem's love had helped me. After he dealt with it, he would be stronger.

Or so we thought.

I should have seen this coming. Rem... Oh _Rem!_

Did you reach another escape pod before the ship blew apart? Or are you lost to us, too?

One terrible day, in my own process of learning to handle the terrible truth of the manner in which Tessla had died, I spent a few minutes hating ordinary humans so badly that I wanted to kill them all. But the reality, when I tried it, was so horrible... thankfully, she recovered.

I should have watched Knives more closely. I should have realized that a day would come when he wanted all humans to die. I should have watched for it, and stopped him from hurting anyone.

I failed all of the many sleeping people in all of the ships that crashed. It's as much my fault as Knives'. I should have seen it coming. I should have stopped him.

I saw our ship explode: the one where Rem, Knives, and I had lived. I didn't see another escape pod... can Rem really be dead? No, I must _not_ think that way. She has to be alive - she _has_ to!

There could have been an escape pod going out from the other side of the ship. I couldn't see it, if there was one, because of the explosion. There must have been another escape pod... right?

I don't know if I can do this without her.

But... if Rem is truly lost to us, then it becomes even more important that I keep all of my promises to her. Keeping those promises may be the only memorial I can make for her.

I never paid much attention to the ship's chronometers. Hours, days, and years were only numbers, without any great meaning to me. I slept when I was tired, and I ate when I was hungry. I didn't need a clock to tell me about those things!

I guess I resented it, a little, whenever the clocks decided that Rem needed to do something else. I didn't like them taking her away from Knives and me.

I can do math as well as Rem or Knives, or even the sister-Plants in their orbs within those large glasslike bulbs. However, I don't enjoy numbers as much as some of the others do. That's probably another reason I didn't pay as much attention to the ship's clocks as I should have.

I know that Knives and I are nearly two years old. I'm not sure which day it is, now, though, according to the ship's calendar. The ship's chronometers are no longer available to inform me. So I don't know how many days it will be until we will have completed our second year.

How strange that such a trivial thing occupies my mind right now!

I should have paid better attention. I should have treasured every hour - every minute - with Rem. But I didn't. I foolishly thought that time with her would continue for many years yet. Almost instinctively, I had believed that, because she had always been with us, she always would be (or, at least, that she would be with us for a very long time yet).

I didn't treasure her nearly as much as she deserved.

If she's still alive, and I find her, I will make that right with her. I will love her every day of her life, and protect her from Knives - no matter what it takes. She protected us, so it's only fair that I return the favor... if I am given an opportunity to do so.

If it's too late - I hope it's not, but if it is - then I will protect the humans that Rem died to save, and their descendants. No... I should do that even if she _is_ still alive.

I hear Knives' footsteps stop ahead of me. I stagger a few more steps forward, and then I stop near him. I'm still partially numb from all that has happened today.

"Come on," he says. "Let's make camp here, for tonight. It's getting colder, and the wind is picking up. These rocks should at least shelter us from the worst of the wind."

I nod silently, and drop my bag onto the ground. We each have a bag that we found in the escape pod, which contains various survival supplies. I reach into mine, searching by feel.

I find a thermal blanket. I pull it out and shake it out. I fold it in half, and arrange it so that part is on the ground and part will go over my body. I climb in between the layers, lying on my side. I curl up in the thin material, resting my head on my left arm, and close both eyes.

"Aren't you going to eat anything?" Knives said impatiently.

I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak. I don't think I could eat, even if I tried.

"At least take a drink from your canteen, idiot," he said.

I open my eyes, sit up, reach into my bag, and pull out the canteen. I unscrew the lid and take a very small sip. My stomach churns, but doesn't reject it outright.

I can almost feel my brother nod, before he makes a wordless sound of disgust and says something insulting about me again. I replace the lid on the canteen, carefully making sure that it's tight enough to prevent leaks, and then I put it back into my bag.

I lie down again, and close my eyes. I can hear him making his own preparations to sleep.

Tears continue trickling out of my eyes and wending their way down my face toward the thirsty sand.

Knives' words from earlier today echo in my head.

"The Plant ship will not crash. Only the ships with humans will be destroyed," he'd said.

But Knives seemed to have forgotten that there are Plants on each and every ship with humans on it, too! If he is doing this to avenge Tessla, then why kill _more_ Plants?

I don't understand. What he's saying and what he's doing don't make sense.

I won't ask him about it now, though. That _would_ be stupid.

Knives beat me in the shuttle, when I protested the manner in which he was gloating over Rem's probable death. He beat me after we landed, when I said he wasn't human. Almost every time he hit me, he insulted humanity and said that he is nothing like them.

I can still feel the same types of emotions coming from him now that he radiated then. If I say the wrong thing, he will probably beat me again.

I am guilty of starting it, though I was swinging blindly. I wasn't really trying to hurt him, though I did want him to stop laughing. The deaths of so many people... the idea hurt so much that I lashed out almost instinctively. I shouldn't have attacked him, though. It only made him angry. He beat me fairly thoroughly, each time.

I don't think I ever hit him, not even once. Though I have many bruises, none of them are on my knuckles.

I have to control myself better. I don't want provoke him that badly again.

So many are dead... both Plants and ordinary humans. Their precious lives are lost forever.

If only I'd been a better brother, this would not have happened. Perhaps, if I am a better brother now, he can finish healing. Then he won't have any reason, real or imagined, to hurt anybody else.

If you're alive, Rem, please stay alive. I will search the whole surface of this planet, until I find you. If you're not alive anymore, then... rest in peace.

Warm, wet tears continue streaming down my face. I hope Knives doesn't notice.

I will try, Rem. I promise. I will try my best to take care of Knives, just as you asked me to do.

I will also do my best to take care of the ones you risked your life to save.

You'll see, Rem. I'll do my best. Somehow, I won't let you down again.

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 **Author's Note** : _If I have calculated correctly, the "Great Fall" would have happened sometime in the year 2409 (according to the Gregorian calendar, which makes the year when I wrote this tale 2015 AD or CE)._

 _Events occurring on the twins' first birthday were described as being "not three years" (suggesting only slightly less than three years) after an event which occurred in mid-December of 2405. This implies that the Plant twins were probably born in 2407, so that when the crew awakened on their first birthday it was during 2408._

 _From a lack of any indication of a second birthday party, it seems likely that the Great Fall occurred less than a year after their first birthday. It may have happened near their second birthday, which (combined with the aforementioned information) would suggest sometime in November. Thus the date given at the opening of the chapter was chosen._


	2. Transitions

_The events portrayed within this tale predate both anime and manga. Most of it comes from things portrayed or strongly implied in manga and / or anime._

 **Note** : _I do not own Vash "the Stampede," Rem Saverem, or Millions Knives: they all belong to the incomparable Mr. Yasuhiro Nightow._

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 **Trigun: Shipwrecked**

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 **Chapter 2: Transitions**

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 _November 2410, exact date unknown  
Day 372_

Sand.

Iles and iles and iles of sand, stretching as far as the eye might see.

I knew, intellectually, that a planet was larger than a ship. Even so, I'd always thought the ship upon which I was born was large. In fact, it _was_ large... for a space ship. Yet it was not anywhere near to as large as a planet.

I had read about measurements, and tried to imagine what a planet might be like. My imagination, at that time, fell far short of this reality.

Nothing could have prepared me for the endless, barren stretches of sand on this world. I could never have imagined anything so vast, before I found myself here.

The only things here, besides countless iles of sand, are rocks. Some are small, but others rise up out of the sand like the teeth or bones of the planet. Some of the larger rock formations contain caves or tunnels and caves. We have sheltered in them, at times, though I prefer to be out under the sky unless the weather is extreme.

Weather and seasons. I am only very slowly growing accustomed to them. On the ship, the environment was always completely controlled by computer and Plants. It never grew uncomfortably cold or hot there. Here, on the planet, we get both extremes somewhat regularly.

At night, especially during the winter, it can get miserably cold. During the day, especially in the summer, it can grow miserably hot. I sometimes wonder if I shall ever really grow accustomed to these things. They are so different from what I knew.

The twin suns, which are nearly always the only occupants of the endless blue sky, blaze forth to cause heat that - especially in the summer - can be quite intense.

Those suns have set, for tonight. I lay wrapped in my thermal blanket, and stare up at the stars. There is something comforting, to me, about gazing at the stars. I used to enjoy looking at them, on the screens and through the portholes on the ship.

The stars still feel more like "home" than this place.

That first night here, slightly over a year ago, I desperately hoped that the fall of the ships was nothing more than a terrible nightmare. I didn't want it to be real. I kept hoping that I would wake up to find myself back on the ship, with Rem and Knives as we had always been.

"Always," at that time, had only lasted about two years. I suppose it was foolish of me to hope that happy days like those would continue.

After our escape pod crashed, and he finished beating me, Knives insisted that we walk away. He gave no reason for this. He still has not said why he is so strongly inclined to travel.

To be truthful, I am curious about this world. For the most part, I don't mind exploring it. It can be interesting to see the different rock formations. The sunsets can be breathtakingly beautiful.

I'd just enjoy it all a lot more if Rem were my traveling companion, instead of Knives as he is now.

I follow him from several paces behind. I'm still close enough that we can talk to each other, when he has anything to say to me. I have learned to bury my emotions deep inside of myself. If Knives detects an emotion that displeases him, he will beat me for it.

Walking behind him means he doesn't see my face as much. He's a little less likely to beat me, if he doesn't see me crying. I cry partly because I miss Rem so much, but also to mourn all of the many other people who died when the ships crash-landed.

And, sometimes, I cry because of his cruel words.

The last words Rem spoke that I could hear clearly, before the groan of machinery drowned out her voice, continue to echo in my mind. She asked me to take care of Knives. So I follow my brother, to honor her and her request. If not for that obligation, I would probably have run away from him within a week of landing. If not sooner.

I'm thankful that Rem was able to at least partially correct Knives' sabotage. If she hadn't, it would have caused all of the ships carrying any humans to strike this planet with enough force to destroy them. Rem risked her life by staying behind.

She must have worked fast to countermand Knives' programming and activate the ships' reverse thrusters before they crashed. She succeeded well enough to prevent some of the ships from being completely destroyed when they hit the ground. For a few of the ships, it was already too late. Even those ships that landed reasonably intact were damaged so badly that they could not return to space.

From what I've seen during this last year, it looks like none of the ordinary humans knew how to repair the ships. Some of the other Plants, our elder siblings (the ones who live inside of those large bulbs)... they might know how to fix the ships. However, the ordinary human survivors might not know how to talk with them.

After only a few months, the ordinary humans began taking the ships apart. They use pieces of the hulls to build shelters and homes for themselves.

"This is a terrible environment, just as I predicted," Knives said earlier. "It will be impossible for the trash to live here."

I knew that by "the trash" he meant ordinary humans. It's merely one of many insulting terms that he uses when he talks about them. He uses such insults every day, as he verbally vents his hatred toward them. He rarely calls them "human" and never "people."

"It can still work, if they use the Plants," I said.

"That is probably true," he said. "They will survive by leeching off the living blood of our siblings. I can hear the screams of our siblings, the death-cries of our friends."

"Is that why you killed those people?" I asked, thinking of the fall of the ships.

"That's right," he said. "I killed them to save Plants. It's simple logic."

I didn't think it would be smart, right then, to remind him that, if Rem hadn't protected the ships from crashing, he would _himself_ have caused the deaths of many more Plants.

I also chose not to remind him how, on that day when the ships first began falling, he had spoken of using the bulb-Plants to make a home for ourselves... I wonder if he would have been careful of their health - or if he would also have used them to death, as some of the ordinary humans may yet do.

As things are, his sabotage caused several Plant deaths that Rem's quick reprogramming was unable to prevent.

Nor did I remind him that, by bringing the ships down onto such a barren planet, he had personally forced the ordinary humans to rely entirely upon Plants simply to live.

He wouldn't want to hear such truths, especially not from me. He would probably only beat me again if I dared to say anything like that.

I frowned, but said nothing more.

Knives has become downright mean. It's almost as if there's an entirely different person in front of me: someone who somehow looks and sounds exactly like my brother, but is completely different in every other way. He beats me almost every day. He insults Rem, all other ordinary humans, and me - constantly.

However, if Rem ... _if_ she didn't survive...

I refuse to carelessly ignore what may have been Rem's last spoken wish. She asked that I take care of Knives. At least I can still do this one thing for her, no matter what else has happened.

Those first few days and nights, immediately after the fall, they still blur together in my memory. I'm not really sure which things happened on which day. We did a lot of walking, and Knives did a lot of venting against Rem and against humanity. If I spoke up to defend either, he'd beat me. Sometimes he beats me even if I say nothing. He can tell, if I fail to suppress my emotions, or from the expression on my face (or from the way I'm standing) when I disagree with him. He doesn't like it when I disagree.

I'm getting better at keeping quiet. However, sometimes the things he says... I simply cannot be silent. I don't want it to look like I might agree with him. So I keep trying to reason with him. Sooner or later, surely, he must heal enough to understand that genocide against ordinary humans is not a solution to anything.

He constantly calls me stupid, an idiot, pathetic, overly sentimental, and similar things. He calls Rem's words nonsense. It hurts to hear him talking like this. He used to be the one who was the quickest to say how much he loved Rem.

One day, about a month after the ships fell, I ignored everything Knives said to count the seconds. I used those counts of seconds to add up the minutes and hours. He beat me for ignoring him, but I learned that each day here is pretty close to 24 hours. Coincidentally, that resembles Earth.

The air was hazy, during those first several days and nights. That haze was probably partially made from ashes. The flaming trails that the ships spewed as they fell must have included at least some ashes from fuel that was not fully consumed. I believe this partly because I recall the stench of something burning, and because there was a reddish cast to the haze. The grit and dust churned up when the ships hit the ground was probably part of that haze, too.

It took a couple of days before we could see clearly that this world has two suns during the day, and five moons at night. I recall thinking it might be a good thing, with so many moons, that there are not any large bodies of water here. All of those moons would wreak havoc with tides.

A few more days were required before we could clearly see the stars again.

Those stars have returned to the same positions that they were in on the night when I could first see them clearly. That was 365 days ago. It means that this planet's year lasts about as long as a year on Earth.

It also means that Knives and I are about three years old.

We haven't changed much since we landed. The sturdy survival gear jumpsuits we wear might be very slightly less extra-long on us, but that's about it. I suppose that lack of changes shouldn't be too surprising. Unlike normal humans, our natural life spans will be numbered in centuries instead of decades.

Knives still insists that we are not human at all, but something else that's superior. I think that we are human, but just a different variety. We're not "standard issue" humans, that much is true, but we _are_ human. I still blurt that out sometimes when we're arguing, and a substantial beating is the inevitable result.

What happened to the brother who loved me enough to be patient when we had different opinions?

I keep looking for him, but I haven't found him. Yet. I am determined to keep trying.

I'm getting better at defending myself when he beats me. Sometimes I can protect my face, at least. My ribs are almost constantly sore, and it's not unusual for him to hit my belly if I don't curl up and cover it with my thighs fast enough.

I don't like to hit him back, but it may be the only effective response. I've tried everything else I could think of. I want to discourage him from beating me so often. I'm tired of hurting.

Yesterday evening, only a little before we turned in, he was harsher than usual with both his words and his blows. For a few hours, I despaired of ever finding my true brother again.

I'm ashamed, as I think of it now. When his breathing became deep and even, indicating that he was probably asleep, I picked up a large, heavy rock. I planned on using it to crush his skull.

He'd killed the crew, and probably Rem. He'd killed hundreds of thousands of people who were helpless in cryo sleep on the ships. He constantly speaks of his intentions to kill others.

I try to steer Knives away from the crashed ships, where ordinary humans are building towns. I don't want him to kill anyone, and I fear that he might. Killing humans is almost the only thing he ever talks about. That hasn't changed since the day the ships fell.

I had to find some way to protect all the people. Steering him away from human settlements may not work forever. For a while, yesterday night, I thought that killing my brother was the answer.

Thankfully, I remembered Rem's words in time. I remembered my promise that I would never kill another person. I turned and ran from my helpless, sleeping brother. I dropped the rock on the way up a steep rocky hill. I fell to my hands and knees, by my bag, and sobbed so hard that I could scarcely breathe.

I must have cried myself to sleep, again. I awoke when Knives shouted at me that it was time to go. The suns had risen far enough into the sky that I could tell it was about the same time as when we usually set out each morning. To my surprise, I found my thermal blanket spread over me.

Knives must have done that. I hope he wasn't awake when I considered killing him! But I'm sure he would have beaten me, if he were.

Most likely, he just needed to relieve himself of surplus bodily fluids sometime during the night. When that happened, he looked around until he found me.

Yet the fact that he covered me, to protect me from the cold... it's encouraging. Maybe he's not completely lost to the madness of his hatred. Maybe I can still reach him.

Is that what Rem meant, when she told me to "take care of Knives"?

I don't know. But it's worth a try.

I'm glad that I didn't kill him. For all his faults, including his currently hate-twisted mind, I still love him.

He's the only one I have left, for now, until we learn if Rem is dead or alive.

I don't want to lose him, too.


	3. Survival

_The events portrayed within this tale predate both anime and manga. Most of it comes from things portrayed or strongly implied in manga and / or anime._

 **Note** : _I do not own Vash "the Stampede," Rem Saverem, or Millions Knives: they all belong to the incomparable Mr. Yasuhiro Nightow._

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 **Trigun: Shipwrecked**

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 **Chapter 3: Survival**

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 _February 2415, exact date unknown  
Year 15_

I have seen these suns rise and set 5,543 times. An equal number of times, the stars have reclaimed the sky for the duration of the night. 7,982,220 minutes have formed 133,037 hours. Put differently, fifteen years, two months, one week, one day and five hours have passed since the escape pod containing my brother and I landed on this world.

In all that time, almost nothing has changed. We remain marooned on this vast, barren planet with its endless sands and equally endless skies. The winds still sound the same, except during sandstorms. Winters remain cold, and summers hot.

Knives and I have both grown a little taller. In fact, we will probably need larger jumpsuits before too much longer. The ones we put on before climbing into the escape pod are no longer overly long on us. They're finally beginning to fit about right, which means we'll need larger ones when they begin to feel uncomfortably snug.

Thankfully, the jumpsuits have detachable sleeves. On hot summer days, like today, that can make life slightly more bearable. The jumpsuits do have some insulation against extreme temperatures, but not always as much as this world's climate requires. Sometimes it's just more pleasant to have the air on one's skin... even if that air is uncomfortably hot during the hours while the suns are up.

Occasionally, where a ship landed reasonably intact, there may be a town of ordinary humans growing around the bulb-Plant(s) in the remains of the hull. I still try to keep Knives away from those towns, since he still talks constantly of killing every human there if he sees them.

If we pass a town late enough in the day, then after he goes to sleep I will quietly return. I talk to the Plant in the bulb, and tell her of love and peace.

That's also when I usually get supplies. Sometimes I can persuade Knives to wait while I go into a town. However, most times, it's best to distract him and keep him far away from towns. So I sneak in at night, and find what I can.

When I can, I will work a few hours doing whatever odd job I can find, to earn enough double dollars to buy the food and water we need. If there isn't time, or I'm too tired that day, I'll try bartering. Our bags from the escape pod contained an assortment of things that we don't need, but that others can use... or at least find sufficiently intriguing that they're willing to trade for them.

Unfortunately, the supply of things to trade is beginning to run low.

If nobody's willing to trade with me, sometimes I must steal what we need. I try to always leave something in return, and I never take much from any one store. I take a little from this store, and a little from that one, so that nobody will be put into any serious difficulties because of my pilfering.

I don't like stealing, but I dare not allow Knives near the town! I wish I knew a better way. I keep thinking. If I can find a better solution, I'll do that instead. So far, though, I have not thought of anything else that I can do.

I'm careful to get back to our campsite for the night, before I am missed. I also try to be careful to get enough sleep for the next day's travel.

If I'm not careful enough, and Knives either misses me, or else I am too weary, he beats me worse than usual. I have learned, partly courtesy of Knives' fists, to bury my emotions very deeply at all times. Like every other Plant, he can detect any strong emotion that I feel just as I can detect his feelings or the emotions of the Plants who live in those glasslike bulbs. Any time Knives detects that I feel an emotion he dislikes, he will attack with both fists swinging. He's uncomfortably adept at attacking with his words, too.

Maybe I am the worthless, pathetic, stupid sentimental wimp that he keeps calling me. I don't know anymore. What I do know is that he's wrong, and Rem was right, about the value of every person's life - including the lives of ordinary humans.

Actually, if really I am as useless a creature as Knives believes, then I must love Rem even more. She was a very smart woman - she had to be, to overcome Knives' sabotage to the ships in such a short time. She must have known what I am. Yet she loved me anyway. She accepted me with a gentleness that I've not seen in Knives, not since before he sabotaged the ships and caused them all to plummet toward this empty planet.

Rem is worth remembering, even if I am not. I am determined that her life and legacy shall not be forgotten. I will protect those she risked her life (and, probably, died) trying to save. I will not allow Knives to destroy what she spared at such great cost.

Knives used to know and believe that every life had value, even worthless lives like mine. If he were not so terribly embittered toward ordinary humans, he would surely have remembered this truth by now.

Maybe I'm just not smart enough to help him see it. Maybe what I need to do is shut up, and let him work it out for himself. Maybe I'll try that, and see if it helps. I've tried about everything else that I could think of.

It's just so difficult to be silent, when he says such terrible things!

I must try harder to be patient, as Rem was. If my imperfect efforts to champion the cause of ordinary humans have only fueled his hatred, then it may take (at least) another fifteen years for him to calm down and think more reasonably about them.

I'll need to do a better job of keeping my emotions buried, too. I need to avoid provoking him on any level, so that he can calm down and think more clearly.

If even that fails to help him recover, I'm not sure what to try next. I'll keep thinking though, as best I can between beatings, sleeping, and listening to him. If I think enough about what Rem said and did, then, surely, sooner or later, I should think of _something_ that will help him.

Unfortunately, I know that all of his bitter talk is not merely venting. I was reminded of that truth around midday today.

Knives and I came upon a settlement of ordinary humans by accident. I would have steered him away from it, if I'd known it was there. Unfortunately, it was right at the bottom of a hill and it could not be seen until we'd reached the top of that hill.

We could see the people lined up, just inside the ship. They'd cut a large enough hole that we could see into the ship very easily. So we saw the pipe they had coming from under the Plant, and we saw that there was water coming out of it.

The line was long, containing every soul that lived there. Men, women, and little children each peacefully and patiently waited for their turn. I began to smile, seeing the reality of Rem's dream. Ordinary humans were working together with Plants to survive here.

Then a man, who was some distance back in the line, yelled and ran to the front. He pushed aside the people who were in front, took hold of the end of the pipe, and started trying to drink the water while it flowed over his face. He was wasting water, by doing that. Others protested, and struggled to make him let go and move out of the way.

Chaos erupted. Soon everyone was struggling against each other for the next turn at the water pipe. I think the sections of the water pipe may have come apart during the struggle, but I didn't have time to pay attention to that.

"See?" Knives said. "This is the true nature of the beasts called humans. They're selfish, arrogant, and imperfect organisms. They make me sick!"

He frowned and the Plant bulbs in the ship began to glow. There was a deep vibration that I could hear and feel from where we stood. The people within the hull began to draw back from the Plants, and make sounds of distress.

"What is that?" I asked Knives, nervously. "What did you do?"

Knives remained tense and frowning. I jostled his shoulder, and repeated, "What did you do?!"

When he turned to look at me, the vibrations and glow from the Plants inside the broken ship's hull began to fade.

"We have our own wills," he said. "We are not merely 'things' to be used."

He knocked aside my hand, which still gripped his shoulder. He turned and walked away.

I stayed behind, briefly, wondering what he meant by what he'd said.

Then I turned and followed.

Somehow, I must persuade him to stay away from there... or else, at least distract him from returning. If the only method that I can find to protect them is to earn another beating from Knives, then so be it.

I will _not_ let Rem's sacrifice be in vain!


	4. Ordinary Humans

_The events portrayed within this tale predate both anime and manga. Most of it comes from things either portrayed or else strongly implied in manga and / or anime._

 **Note** : _I do not own Vash "the Stampede," Rem Saverem, or Millions Knives: they all belong to the incomparable Mr. Yasuhiro Nightow._

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 **Trigun: Shipwrecked**

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 **Chapter 4: Ordinary Humans**

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 _June (or the sixth month) of the 79th year after the Great Fall  
On this planet, ordinary humans know it as Star Year 0041_

Days, weeks, months, years, and decades have come and gone. This vast, barren planet has gradually become more familiar than the distant memories of that migrating colony ship which was my only home.

The sounds of the winds are familiar now, as is the crunch of the sand under my feet. At times, those sounds are almost comforting. The dust and grit on my face and body are no longer irritants, but instead simply a part of living here.

The heat of the twin suns no longer seems quite as extreme in the summer, though I know it's actually no less. I've simply grown accustomed to it. Winters are still incredibly cold, especially at night when I'm far from the equator.

I have lived here, technically a part of this world, for about eight decades. Yet I am also apart from all of the others here. I am not an ordinary human, nor am I like most of the Plants here. I'm almost both... yet, in truth, I am neither.

I am a Plant who does not dwell in an orb inside a bulb, as nearly all of the others on this world do. Instead, I wander about aimlessly. Even if I choose to dwell among humans, I can never truly be one of them. I will always be a stranger in their midst.

I have no desire to dwell within a bulb as a source of power to an ordinary human town. I doubt it's even possible, but I really don't want to find out. I might get trapped in there.

I have a different duty, which I must fulfill. I may be the only one who can possibly stop my genocidal brother from slaughtering all of the normal humans on this world.

Why am I the only one? Because of Knives' intense hatred for all ordinary humans, he would never listen to one of them. If necessary, unlike them, I can use Plant abilities against him, either similar or identical to what he would wield to harm the defenseless humans.

If necessary, I will sacrifice my own life to protect theirs. I may be worthless, but they are not. Rem sacrificed her life to save them, which makes each of their lives precious to me.

I have failed to persuade Knives to abandon his goal of destroying them. I have failed in everything that I tried. The grief and despair from those many failures has also grown familiar. So has the awareness of my own shortcomings. Knives has described those shortcomings to me, in great detail, every day since the ships fell. It is unlikely that I shall ever forget any item on that lengthy list.

I have failed, repeatedly, to assist Knives toward seeing the wisdom in Rem's teachings about embracing life, love, and peace. If only I weren't such a worthless loser, and such a pathetic idiot, perhaps I could find either words or ideas that would reach my brother. To my sorrow, I have failed to find them.

Knives and I had wandered together, while growing ever farther apart, for about eighty years. Now, those days are gone... just like the days before the Great Fall.

I can still recall my earliest childhood clearly, when I choose to do so. However, those brief, happy days aboard the Seeds ship are now only a distant memory. Memories from those days are beautiful, and I treasure them. Unfortunately, I can no longer speak with Rem. Nor can I find the kindhearted, idealistic brother I once knew.

I have often wondered if Rem might somehow have survived the fall of the ships. Unfortunately, even if she had, then her brief natural lifespan would have been spent - and ended - by now. The harsh conditions on this planet do not make it easy for ordinary humans to live here. I seldom see anyone who's very old.

Rem never mentioned her age, but she must have been at least twenty before Knives sabotaged the ships. That would make her about a century old, even if she survived the fall. Ordinary humans rarely reach that age, even in ideal conditions. This world does not provide ideal conditions.

I do not know Rem's fate. I only know that I never saw her again. Perhaps she died when the ship exploded, as I had originally feared. I don't know. I may never know.

With each day that passes, I miss her and I mourn her. That sorrow has also grown familiar. It has become as much a part of me as the air I breathe or the water I drink.

I have not yet reached physical maturity, though lately my voice has grown unpredictable. Sometimes, it sounds the same as it has for most of my life. Other times, it comes out deeper. Still other times, it creaks, groans, or bounces about as randomly as a ball might do in a canyon full of rocks.

Growing taller has happened so gradually, and over so many decades, that it doesn't make my body feel strange. This business with my voice, however, _that_ sometimes startles me. It only became unpredictable about a month ago. It doesn't behave strangely very often, so it can still surprise me on those occasions when it _does_ make unusual sounds.

My voice, however, is no longer the most significant change in my life.

I look in front of me. I see only emptiness in the place where Knives has been walking ahead of me, for so many years. He is not there now, nor is it likely that he will ever be there again.

Knives... I can no longer take care of him - if I ever could. We are parted, and I fear that parting may be permanent. There's no one to blame for it but myself. I feel the burden, but I don't know how to make it easier to bear.

Being parted from Knives makes me sad. Even though I don't like him very much anymore, I still love him. He's my brother. Nothing, not even the terribly cruel things he says and does now, can ever change that.

I look down at the place where my left arm ends, slightly below my shoulder. I resist the urge to reach over to touch it, and verify, again, that what I see is truly what is real.

Both of those changes occurred during this last week. And, as usual, it's all my fault.

I knew that I shouldn't leave Knives alone. That idea, all by itself, compelled me to stay near him. I wanted to honor Rem's last request.

But I have failed her, again. I was too selfish, and my selfishness has caused a tragedy.

I had wanted only a respite, a brief time to visit humans away from Knives. I wanted to see, for myself, how the people that Rem saved are doing. I wanted to meet them and their descendants up close, instead of only at a distance or only very briefly when bartering or working. I had to keep Knives (and therefore myself) at a distance, to protect all of those ordinary humans from my bitter brother. His hatred toward them appears to be bottomless.

I needed something new that I could say to Knives. Repeating Rem's words from eighty years ago has not helped him to heal. Being silent has not helped him to heal.

And, selfishly, I wanted just one day when I could know - not hope, but _know_ \- that I wouldn't be beaten.

I was too weak and selfish. I should never have left him. I was wrong, Rem, and I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry...

Sadly, I cannot reverse what I have done... or what he did in response. All I can do is learn how to live with the consequences. Perhaps I can learn from my mistakes, mend them, and make a better future like Rem used to talk about. I don't know. Maybe I'm not smart enough to do that. Yet I must continue to try.

Giving up accomplishes nothing.

I had steered Knives away from another town last week, to protect the people so that he wouldn't kill them. He beat me for that, as usual. I don't like getting beaten. It seems I always get the worst of it, even when I fight back. Unfortunately, I didn't know of anything else I could do to protect the people. I still don't.

I was lagging farther and farther behind him, reluctant to be near him. The emotions he was radiating suggested another beating would soon come to me. I wasn't looking forward to that, which doubtless made me drag my heels even more than usual. He had reached the top of a sand dune, while I was still a few steps from its base.

A car with ordinary humans in it began to drive past. I don't think the people saw Knives. They offered me a ride... and I, weak fool that I am... I accepted.

That was how the tragedy began.

I was only among them for a short time.

I learned about their town, and the way that ordinary humans in general are organizing themselves on this world. I learned that they began a calendar about forty years after the Great Fall of the ships, and called that year "year one."

Although we've been on this desert planet for about eighty years, the dates suggest considerably less than that from being about forty years off. Surely Knives would have several choice words to say about that, if he knew.

Unfortunately, the human town where I was taken was... a trap. It wasn't long before they had chained me to a pillar near the edge of the town. It all happened so suddenly!

The pillar appeared to be made of some variety of reinforced sandstone, and my right wrist was clasped in a cuff at the end of a chain attached to it. I tried, but failed, to pull the chain free. My wrist was quickly injured from my futile efforts to wriggle loose from the shackle that held me there.

They had given me a pistol, before they returned to their homes. I'd never used anything like that before. It seemed a strange gift. Did they want me to die, or defend the town?

Before I could find out, Knives came and killed everyone.

He formed a blade on his arm, and began cutting them apart. Male or female, young or old, rich or poor... it didn't matter. He killed them all - even the children.

I was horrified. I raised the gun in my left hand, since my right wrist remained chained to the pillar. Knives had killed all the townsfolk, but he didn't set me free.

"Why are you pointing that thing at me," he asked, "after I went out of my way to save you?"

"But the villagers, all of the people you killed," I protested, "there were _children_! How many people must you kill before you are satisfied? _How many?_ "

"What a thing to say," he said, and laughed. "A village that survives by preying upon passing travelers is bound to meet an end like this. Wasn't exterminating them the right thing to do? It's your own fault for being so naive and falling for their lies."

"That's not what I mean!" I shouted. "That's not it, at all!"

I wasn't trying to condone what they did, or justify it. I simply felt that there had to be a reason. Killing them, especially without knowing _why_ they'd done what they did, seemed at least as bad as anything they had done.

I resolved within myself to learn what Knives hadn't, and understand them, if there remains any possible method of learning. With everyone from the town dead, I feared that all knowledge of their reasons might be lost with their lives.

When I opened my mouth to say something about that subject, though, he spoke first.

"If everyone thought as you do," Knives said, "the humans on this planet would only get more and more uppity. They think nothing of stealing from their own kind. Those who don't stick up for themselves will meet an even worse fate."

He looked away from me. "I've said enough," he said. "I guess this is as good a time as any. I'm going to leave you here to cool your head. And, in the meantime, I will wipe them _all_ from the map!"

He turned and began to walk away.

"Wait!" I shouted. "Knives, wait! I won't let you go off like this!"

I was desperate to stop him, and angry at what he had already done. As usual, my words must have been poorly chosen. He wasn't listening to me. Talking to him wasn't helping. Again.

But I had to do something. I couldn't just sit there and let him go off to kill more people.

So I used the only other tool available to me at the time. I aimed the pistol and pulled the trigger. Then I swore, frustrated that I still couldn't break free of the chain on my right wrist - and that my warning shot had failed to make him slow down or turn.

"Knives, come back!" I shouted. "Stay with me! _Knives!_ "

He only kept walking, without pause. I screamed, but he still continued walking.

I aimed the gun and pulled the trigger again. That time, the bullet struck him in his left shoulder. A shot like that wouldn't kill him. In fact, the injury should heal without even crippling him. However, it would hurt like crazy while it healed.

It hurt me, somewhere deep inside, to harm Knives. I felt I'd had no choice, but it still hurt to do it. I was breathing hard, shaken by what I had done. I regretted it instantly, yet I still dared to hope.

I hoped that the pain of his injury, and the time it would take for his wound to heal, would make him pause and reconsider. I hoped that he might return to me, and reconcile enough to interrupt his plan of hunting and hurting humans. Perhaps, if he returned, I could try again to reason with him - or at least distract him - enough that he wouldn't harm anyone.

I realize now that those were nothing more than vain and foolish hopes. This was yet another failure, in a lengthy and growing list of failures that are entirely my own.

"Vash," Knives said, looking over his injured shoulder at me, "you really should learn to aim better, _you incompetent_ _ **fool**_ _!_ "

His voice had sounded calm when he said my name, but as he continued speaking his words grew louder until he was shouting. His face transitioned from calm arrogance through frustration to fury.

He struck so quickly and unexpectedly that I couldn't dodge effectively, shackled as I was to the pillar. He used his arm-blade to cut off my left arm. My severed arm fell onto the sand beside me, still gripping the pistol.

For a moment, I was too shocked to see, hear, or feel anything. Then the pain registered, and I screamed from the intensity of it.

Knives turned and walked away, without looking back.

Hurting me didn't seem to upset him at all, while I still shook as much from wounding him as from my own injury.

He has changed so much... and it's all my fault. If I hadn't failed him so badly, then surely he would never have become so cold. If only I'd been a better brother to him...

I collapsed onto the sand, with my back turned toward my severed limb. I was screaming and crying from the combined physical and emotional pain. I don't know which hurt worse. Both were terrible.

After a time, during which I may have passed out, a woman came. If I understood her correctly, she was the only person who was related to some of the townsfolk, but who did not live there. She had been told repeatedly not to come near. It was her first visit to that town in three years.

The reason was: radiation poisoning. The people of that place had all been chased out of other cities because they were contaminated.

Because of the nature of this planet, being thrown out of a city and driven into the desert is a death sentence. The people of the city were aware of this, but they believed that their own lives were at risk.

On the day of the accident, this woman happened to be far away. Because of this, she was untouched. She cried as she said that this was the second time she was the only survivor. Though they had been ravaged by despair and bad fortune, the people of that town had always wished her happiness.

"They may have deserved it, because of the evil ways they adopted to survive," she said, still crying, "yet it was such a terrible way to die."

After telling me the tale, she continued crying for hours and hours.

I spent that night thinking hard. I have continued thinking hard ever since, through the days when I buried them and during the days of traveling away from there.

I can't believe what Knives says, that Plants are somehow superior to ordinary humans. Instead, I'll continue believing in Rem and her words.

I shall live as an ordinary human, or as close to that as I can. I won't use Plant abilities at all, unless there is no other method available to save people's lives.

Instead of Plant abilities, I will learn how to use a gun to defend others... and myself. As Knives challenged me to do, I will learn how to aim it better. I will also keep my promise to Rem: I won't kill.

"Shoot a gun, and people die." That is conventional wisdom. But if you don't pick one up, you can't protect yourself against one. I want to hold a gun and never kill anyone. In order to do that, I am prepared to do anything. That is how I will live.

I will devote myself entirely to understanding and protecting ordinary humans, to the best of my ability. I will live and work among them. I won't stay in any one place for very long, and I will keep quiet and spend most of my time alone. Hopefully, that way, they won't have many opportunities to notice how I'm different from them.

And I will speak to them of the things that Rem taught me, especially love and peace.

That way, perhaps I can help all of those people whom Rem sacrificed herself to save. I can help them to thrive. Maybe they, unlike Knives, will hear her words and benefit from them.

I will always be on the watch for Knives. I will do whatever it takes to protect people from him, even if I must pay the same price that Rem paid.

I have little cause to hope that someone as worthless as myself can ever persuade him. However, if I see Knives again... I will try, again, to reason with him. Somehow, he must calm down and think more clearly. He must abandon his plans for genocide.

Slaughtering all ordinary humans won't solve anything. It can't.

Somehow, I must either aid or compel Knives to see this reality. If I can't... I must still find some method to stop him from doing them any more harm.

That is how I will live on.


	5. Home

_The events portrayed within this tale predate both anime and manga. Most of it comes from things either portrayed or else strongly implied in manga and / or anime._

 **Note** : _I do not own Vash "the Stampede," Rem Saverem, or Millions Knives: they all belong to the incomparable Mr. Yasuhiro Nightow._

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 **Trigun: Shipwrecked**

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 **Chapter 5: Home**

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 _September (or the 9th month) of the 81st year after the Great Fall  
On this planet, ordinary humans know it as Star Year 0043_

It has been two years since Knives and I separated.

I have seen town after town where he had slaughtered every living soul. I found their remains, sliced to bits. I found their food rotting, and their stored water supplies tainted.

The Plants in their bulbs were distressed. I spoke to them of peace and love, but placed no other burden upon them. I suppose that I could have asked them for fresh supplies, but it didn't feel right. I didn't want to use them as the ordinary humans had. I couldn't bring myself to do that to them.

Oh Rem, I'm so sorry! I failed you. _Every_ thing I've tried, I have failed...

I still believe that you were right about humans. They deserve a chance to live, and learn from their mistakes. If only I had been smart enough to help Knives to see that, too...

There were no supplies in the last four towns that I passed through. Knives had been there first. In each town, it took me days to bury all of the bodies... I'm still not sure if I sorted out all of the parts correctly, in any of those towns.

That eroded my meager supplies of food and water even more.

I tried, Rem. I really tried...

If you can see me, and you choose to notice me, you must be extremely disappointed in me. How could you not be? I have failed you so badly. Knives was right. I am worthless. I should not have resisted that truth for as long as I did. I should have only focused on telling him where you were right, and not defended myself.

I don't know how you kept patience with me. Even as a child, you must have seen that I was a pathetic loser. Is that why you asked me to take care of Knives? Was that the only thing you thought I might be able to do?

I have failed you, even in that.

Nothing remains for me to do except to keep walking. I used up the last of my food and water days ago. I don't even know if there's another town nearby. All I can see is iles and iles of sand in every direction. There's not even a rock to disturb the monotony.

I'm starting to stumble. I didn't _try_ to kill myself, Rem. I tried to keep my promise to you. When there were no supplies to be found, I ran out. It just happened.

It looks as if I am about to fail you, even in staying alive. I'll never know what it means to be a man, or if I could ever overcome my childhood faults.

I'm so sorry, Rem...

My mouth feels strange. My tongue seems inclined to stick to the roof of my mouth. The edges of my vision are growing dark. A strange, high-pitched whirring sound fills my ears. The ground begins to tip.

I feel myself stumble. I fall onto my face in the sand.

"Rem..." I whisper broken-heartedly. I try to say "I love you," but my mouth is too dry to even whisper the words. _Rem_...

My fading thoughts are of regret. I couldn't even tell you that I love you one last time.

...

I hear something beeping. At first, it was only a very faint and distant sound. Slowly, it seems to be drawing nearer and growing louder.

Little by little, awareness returns. To my surprise, I don't feel sand in my mouth, or against my face. I thought I recalled stumbling and falling on my face, just before everything went dark. My mouth still feels a little strange, but not as much as before.

Slowly, cautiously, I open my eyes.

But no, I must be dreaming now. I cannot possibly be back on the ship - I saw it explode more than half a century ago!

Yet I am lying on a bed with clean sheets. The walls, floor, and ceiling are all metal. There is no scent of the desert sands or winds, but instead a faint chemical scent... antiseptics, I think. The air is filtered, something I've not inhaled since the ships fell. I see hospital equipment, such as was in the ship's infirmary... a technology lost to the shipwrecked people of that barren, two-sunned desert world.

A man walks into the room, and sees that I am awake. He smiles. He is wearing clothing similar to what I saw on the computer, back on the ship where Rem was.

Rem...

"Hello," he says. "We weren't sure if you'd make it. Welcome to Seeds."

Seeds? That was the name of the ships! How can this be?

I open my mouth, and try to speak. No words come out. My mouth is still too dry.

He quickly lifts a small cup from beside my bed, and helps me to drink from it. The cup trickles clean water into my mouth.

The water tastes pure... and seems entirely free of any trace of the desert.

Was the fall of the ships, and all that came after, only a terrible dream? I glance down at myself, and see that I am no longer a young child. I have grown larger, to the size I recall being when I was stumbling on the sands and expecting to die in that endless desert. I glance to my left, and see the now-familiar stump where my left arm used to be.

"Ships crashed," I said hoarsely, "long time ago." My voice has its new, deeper sound.

"Not this one," he said, his smile widening in understandable pride. "It continues to hover over a sea of sand powder. That turbulent sea helps to power our ship's Plants, and keep the sleepers safe in their cryo cylinders. We are still Seeds, and we have survived."

For the first time, in longer than I can tell, a faint glimmer of hope enters my soul.

"Welcome home," he said.

I smile a little, and close my eyes again. For the moment, I am too weak and weary to do much else.

"Thank you," I manage to whisper, as darkness begins to enfold me again.

I know that, when next I awaken, my life shall begin anew.

You were right, Rem. My ticket to the future... it's still blank. The possibilities before me are endless and open.

I've been given another chance.

With a home again, perhaps I can finally find the wisdom and strength to succeed.

If not tomorrow, then perhaps the day after...

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.

 **Author's note** : _I have often heard people wonder why Vash had such low self-esteem. He certainly didn't get it from Rem! However, he spent approximately 80 years in the company of Knives, who didn't have one kind word to say to or about him._

 _Vash and Knives yell at each other, at Juneora Rock, that neither of them has changed in 150 years._

 _What was happening there? Knives was liberally insulting both Vash and humanity, and attacking Vash. Just as he was shown doing, in both anime and manga, on the day of the Great Fall. Even with someone as extremely intelligent as an Independent Plant, that much constant verbal, emotional, and physical abuse would take a toll._

 _Methinks the mystery of "where did Vash get his low low self-esteem?" was already answered in canon. We just overlooked it._


End file.
